There I go again. Losing it for no real reason, though don’t you dare question me on it because I will fly off my handle at you!
Then, I get angry at myself for getting angry.
Agh this is so frustrating!
Though anger is not the bad guy.
It’s not!! I promise!
Anger is actually really helpful. It’s a defence mechanism. We have lots of mechanisms to protect ourselves from harm because we are important, that’s how we are designed. Though sometimes, our defence mechanisms get stuck in the on position.
I can’t turn it off. My defence mechanism switch sticks on and I get angry because there is nothing I can do about it!
So I’ll think about the times when I feel anger creeping up on me, times like not getting enough sleep when I feel lost, confused, scared, lonely, stuck, frustrated.
I wanted to get rid of anger! To say goodbye and never see him again!
Though I realised I can’t do that. Even if I couldn’t there is still a very good reason to keep him around.
Why? He’s a pain, he gets in the way, he stops me from being the Mum I really am.
Well, I came to realise that anger is there to protect me, and this made me see him in a totally different light! Anger isn’t stopping me for the fun of it, he’s stopping me from making decisions I will regret, stop me from going against my values, to keep me on the right path.
Anger will step in when my child does something that goes against my values (usually respect, he loves her the most!). When I feel like my character is attacked, I can count on Anger to jump in to defend my honour. If I need act when I see someone I love hurting themselves (whether that is rational or not), Anger will step in.
So really, anger is not the bad guy, irrationality is!
My ability to control Anger is the issue. To not give myself the chance to test the real root behind the issues I get upset about.
Once I realised this, I saw Anger in a different light. I now see him has helpful and productive, though I do need to keep an eye on him, reigning him in when he gets carried away.
Then I know I can relax and enjoy my girls, my husband, my family and friends. Oh, what a joy this is!