Anger is not the bad guy!

There I go again. Losing it for no real reason, though don’t you dare question me on it because I will fly off my handle at you!

Then, I get angry at myself for getting angry.

Agh this is so frustrating!

Though anger is not the bad guy.

Say what?!

It’s not!! I promise!

Anger is actually really helpful. It’s a defence mechanism. We have lots of mechanisms to protect ourselves from harm because we are important, that’s how we are designed. Though sometimes, our defence mechanisms get stuck in the on position.

I can’t turn it off. My defence mechanism switch sticks on and I get angry because there is nothing I can do about it!

So I’ll think about the times when I feel anger creeping up on me, times like not getting enough sleep when I feel lost, confused, scared, lonely, stuck, frustrated.

Sound familiar?

I wanted to get rid of anger! To say goodbye and never see him again!

love . anger . relationshipsThough I realised I can’t do that. Even if I couldn’t there is still a very good reason to keep him around.

Why? He’s a pain, he gets in the way, he stops me from being the Mum I really am.

Well, I came to realise that anger is there to protect me, and this made me see him in a totally different light! Anger isn’t stopping me for the fun of it, he’s stopping me from making decisions I will regret, stop me from going against my values, to keep me on the right path.

Anger will step in when my child does something that goes against my values (usually respect, he loves her the most!). When I feel like my character is attacked, I can count on Anger to jump in to defend my honour. If I need act when I see someone I love hurting themselves (whether that is rational or not), Anger will step in.

So really, anger is not the bad guy, irrationality is!

My ability to control Anger is the issue. To not give myself the chance to test the real root behind the issues I get upset about.

Once I realised this, I saw Anger in a different light. I now see him has helpful and productive, though I do need to keep an eye on him, reigning him in when he gets carried away.

Then I know I can relax and enjoy my girls, my husband, my family and friends. Oh, what a joy this is!

Find out how you too can master this love/hate relationship with anger by signing up for my course coming soon! and join me in the Angry Peaceful Parents group to build our village!

Anger is not the bad guy!


Don't let anger rule your home
Don't let anger consume you!


  1. Kirsten Brusse

    This was such a good article. I try to take a deep breath before responding in anger.

    1. intentionalfamilies

      Thanks for your comment Kirsten! Deep breaths are incredibly helpful!

  2. Hala

    Oh my goodness such a good perspective!! I also look at anger as the bad guy, but you are so right- it’s the irrationality piece of it. I definitely want to be better about controlling my anger and frustrations. Thanks for sharing!!

    1. intentionalfamilies

      Thanks Hala! Making peace with anger is a wonderful feeling 💖

  3. Josephine

    Wow! This post resonates so much with me. I am definitely quick to anger and have to take a step back sometimes. Thanks for posting!

    1. intentionalfamilies

      Thanks for stopping by Josephine! It’s certainly not easy, though so worth the effort!

  4. Tennille

    What a great perspective! I have never thought about anger in this way but it makes a lot of sense. When I start to get frustrated with one of my 4 children or my husband I do try to take a step back, take a deep breath and then react. It doesn’t always work, but I do try.

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